| It
seems these days that the world is full of stupid people,
especially on the Internet. It's a wonder of modern science
how these people can operate a computer let alone function
in normal society. But leave it to these freaks to fuck up
a perfectly good title for a perfectly good book. I'm talking
of course of the ridiculously insane "The Two Towers"
controversy.
The
people behind the controversy have taken it upon themselves
to start an online petition to get the movie based on the
book renamed to something less offensive. In my view, the
only thing less offensive than "The Two Towers"
is "Mr. Witherbee's Fabulous Time Travelling Contraption
of Happiness and Rainbows". Although that's pretty gay.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that "The
Two Towers" isn't offensive at all. These retards are
letting themselves get offended by a similarity between the
World Trade Center and a book written nearly fifty years ago,
so maybe they'll let me kick them in the face if I convince
them that I'll go get them my imaginary stash of the best
lollipops ever.
And
it's just because they let themselves get offended. If everybody
got offended equally and without bias on the same level as
these petition people are working at, we might just have to
tear down every other goddamn building in the goddamn world
just so that we wont be offending Mr. Terry Davidson's Christmas
Tree.
 |
| Tolkien
makes another wacky prediction!
That's not tobacco in his pipe! |
Now
these people have started freaking out of the third book in
the trilogy, "The Return of the King". You know,
a lot of people have predicted the end of the world and if
you haven't guessed already, they were all wrong. The last
time I checked I'm still here, my couch is still here and
so is my entire block. Now I don't know beyond that since
I haven't left my yard in over three years on account of playing
Tetris. But if my guess is correct, you're still alive and
the world hasn't ended.
Let's
say for a moment that these people are right and the Two Towers
was an accurate prediction. Who's to say that with "The
Return of the King" Tolkien didn't mean Elvis instead
of Christ? Then that would mean Elvis isn't really dead but
rather just hiding
out in an old folks home with JFK fighting an evil Egyptian
entity whose main purpose is to kill old people. Personally,
in the unlikely event that Tolkien is a prophet, I think Elvis
is who he meant.
People
need to lighten up a little about the World Trade Center attacks.
Airbrushing the 'two towers' out of every damn picture isn't
going to bring any loved ones back and it's not going to trick
any terrorists into thinking that the towers never existed.
You're not fooling anyone, not even Mr. Davidson. Sure the
destruction of the towers was terrible and I'm not trying
to belittle it in any way, but I don't think that there's
a need to start changing every little thing that may sound,
act, or remind us of 9/11. This campaign to change every damn
thing isn't going to solve anything. But try telling that
to the retards. |
