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A profile of everyone's favorite party Turtle: Mike! WITH EXTRA BONUS EPISODE SYNOPSIS!

by Andrew - December 2, 2003

note: some of these sites may be currently destroying footsoldiers in the future and as such have not yet put up their articles. Be sure to check them when they return triumphant.

Do you remember a time when rampant and deadly Footsoldier attacks terrorized America's fair cities and peaceful towns? NinjaCulture remembers. And do you remember a time when four unsuspecting turtles went through a process known as "kick assedness" to become the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? NinjaCulture remembers.

Yes, I stole this picture from an older article.

Ah yes, the Ninja Turtles. Cultural phenomenon in the latter part of the 80s all the way up to 1997. Did I just say 1997? Yeah, I believe I did. Perhaps by '97 the phenomenon had faded a bit, but they were still around, and now they're making a come back.

To be honest, I haven't seen an episode of the new Turtles show, and I'm not sure I'll ever see one. I'm a man of the past, living it and loving it. So when you say "The Turtles" I think of the green hued fab-four that had only one mission; to defend*.
*The new Turtles may or may not defend. Not available in Quebec. See store for details.

Mike in "Defending" mode

Defend what? The Earth, from Shredder, Krang, Footsoldiers and your standard Dimension X riff raff. Yeah, that about sums them up. But when I got asked to write this article, I had to choose one turtle in particular, besides Leonardo, that I thought would be awesome to write about and had defended the most. I had to choose quickly for the queriest needed an answer poste-haste! I chose Michaelangelo and now I'm stuck with him. You may also notice that I am spelling his name the correct "incorrect" way and not the way that it's officially spelled these days.

Me doing research. Pictured Above: A pile of naked ladies.

In retrospect, and after rewatching a few episodes under a pile of naked ladies, I found that Mike didn't really defend as much as the other Turtles. Also, he kinda smelled like a vagina, but then again, that could have been the pile. I have a crack team of boring scientist types working around the clock running tests and doing tedious lab experiments trying to determine this.

So what's Mike good for? Well, he's got a good sense of late 80s vernacular. No, that's not a venereal disease, it basically means he says "Radical" and "Dude(s)" a lot, and for the time period, it's correct. Although, if it's wrong to say "radical" now, I don't wanna be right. He does kick ass when called upon, but would much rather be eating pizza or, hell, even surfing. He's also fond of the color orange, possibly because he secretly loves the mystical Ibiza sunset.

Another thing Mike be enjoyin' is good ol' cookin'. I used a southern type accent there just incase you are from the south and thought my regulo-english earlier was some kind of moon language. Yes, Mike is a master of the culinary arts, or so the internet has me believe. The internet will have me believe a lot of things. Why, just one peak into my inbox and I could I find that my lips aren't full enough and my breasts slim, but this has very little to do with cooking, Turtles, or Mikes in any way.

If I wanted to, I could have made an awesome joke at the expense of the French right there, but I feel it would have been too awesome and would have left your brain an even more disgusting pile of pure evil random pink mush. Betenticled? It's up to you. But I digress.

Mike in "party" mode.

And lastly, lest I forget, Mike is the official party dude, it's says so right in the theme song. Although I think that all the Ninja Turtles like to party, Mike loves to party. His favorite kind of party? Pizza party. Party hats? Optional.

Now I think I'd better talk about the toys.

Mike and his three companions were some of the first figures to hit store shelves back in 1988. This only made sense, he's a main character and so I'm pretty retarded to point that out. Standing five inches, he came with his standard arsenal of nun-chucks and throwing stars.

The next iteration of Mike would be a plush doll action figure that stood about nine inches. Perfect size to defend you from those nine inch foot soldiers.

In 1990 Mike dawned a wetsuit (why? He is a TURTLE!) during his Sewer Surfin' days, which is, in fact, everyday. The figure came with a party belt, a Wave-whipping water flingin' wheel, and of course a sewer worthy surf board.

And now I'm realizing just how many action figures there are in the Turtles line. If you expected me to go through every Mike figure over then span of eight years you might also expected Hitler to rise from the dead to claim leadership of the world whilst flying in a rainbow powered balloon. That probably isn't going to happen. So let's just say that these figures that I've mentioned are my favorites.

He's come along way from being just a regular Turtle in Woodys Pet Shop, Pennshellvania (oh ho ho ho!) to what he is today, a horrible mutated anthropomorphic clemmys marmorata proficient in Ninjitsu. He might not have done much in the episode we're about to watch, or in any I watched this past week, but we love him all the same maybe simply because Nunchucks are cooler than you.


As I just said, the episodes I watched were not Mike episodes by any means. However, at least one of the boxes lead me to believe otherwise with Mike prominently displayed running away from everyone's favorite fly, Baxter Stockman. Well, maybe not running away from, but looking unsettled at Baxter. The episode is called "Bye Bye Fly" although the box it came in would have you believe it's called "Turtles vs. The Fly". I know not what kind of treachery transpired to induce an error of that magnitude. I suspect robots. But then again, I'm always suspicious of robots. Since I sat through it I'm gonna make you sit through this, even though I thoroughly enjoyed the episode. But instead of a normal review per se, I'm gonna try to focus on Mike as much as I can as per the article specs.

It's starts off with Don producing a work-out tape with the other turtles and is conspiring to sell it to channel 6. This has no bearing on the rest of the plot.

After the abandoning the workout tape idea, the Turtles decide to check out what's on TV and lo and behold, their good friend April O'Neil is doing a report on some archaeological dig somewhere beneath the streets of New York. The sewers to be exact. The dig team seems to have discovered some kind of ancient temple, but they're not quite sure exactly what it is they've found. The Turtles, concerned that they might be digging near their lair go off to investigate.

Is that a pizza? No, it's a pizza shaped control panel.

Meanwhile, Baxter happens upon the dig site as well and sufficiently scares off the entire archaeological team with ease. I mean, he's a talking, human sized fly. That's enough to scare Michael Jackson, and good lord, that man is the boogie-man. While inside, Baxter discovers that this is no ordinary templar at all! In fact, it's not even a temple! It's a transdimensional space ship! A perfect thing if you're a humanoid fly that doesn't fit in with society. Also, this ship's computer starts talking and even befriending Mr. Stockman. In fact, the ship likes Baxter so much that it let's him take out the transdimensional drive. This comes into play a little later on.

My TV is bigger.

Back at the Technodrome Krang and Shredder are having problems with the transdimensional portal. Apparently Shredder needs fuel and supplies from Dimension X but can't get said items because they don't have enough energy to power the portal. Bebop and Rocksteady stumble into the scene and Shredder commands them to take out the garbage since they don't even have enough energy to power the auto-incinerators.

While dumping the garbage outside, Bebop and Rocksteady run into Baxter. Baxter bestows part of the trans-d drive (as I'm gonna call it now, I'm sick of spelling out that word) onto the two bumbling sidekicks. This is where what I was talking about before comes into play. Baxter, you see, is setting a delicious trap, but that's all we know. The way I see it, I don't even think he knows what he's planning to do. Fortunately this ship is a bit smarter than a fly, and it's got something in mind.

Bebop and Rocksteady return to their master with the piece of the trans-d drive. Shredder wisely thinks it's a trap but Krang can't see to see past the potential power of a completed drive and orders Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady to search for the remaining pieces.

Back in the sewers and using one of Donatello's inventions, the Turtles are going to pay the dig team a visit because they are digging near the underground river, almost as if that was important. While en route they're intercepted by Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady. The trio immediately disregards the warning labels on Don's floatation devices that say "Keep away sharp objects" and start shooting sharp objects at them. The Turtles are sunk, but it's okay because they're turtles and can swim, which leads me to wonder why they needed those water wings in the first place. Shredder then shoots a rocket at the Turtles.

Thinking they've finally gotten rid of those pesky Turtles, Shredder et al speed off into the sunset towards the space ship, collecting pieces of the the trans-d drive as they go. Little do they know they've missed a piece, and more importantly, a very live and healthy Donatello has gotten a hold of it. THIS PLAYS A BIG PART IN THE ENDING! PAY ATTENTION! RE-READ IT IF YOU HAVE TO!

Hmm, I'm just realizing that I haven't been talking about Mike that much, definitely not as much as I should be in a Mike article. At anyrate, back at the space ship, the ship gives Baxter a gun that shoots "Mutazoo rays". Basically that's just a fancy way of saying that it changes a living organism into a different living organism. It's got six incredible settings and can be yours for only four easy payments of $39.95. This is the ship's huge idea I was talking about earlier. I think though, it might've just been easier to take off and then land on everyone; it is a freakin' space ship the size of a pyramid. But hey, that's me.

The Turtles stake out a prime hiding position while Shredder orders Bebop and Rocksteady to enter the ship. The Turtles decide not to get involved as it's much more fun to watch Shredder screw up.

While Shredder and crew are searching the ship Baxter comes up from behind and shoots Shreeder with the Mutazoo ray effectively turning him into a fly. Oh sweet revenge. And I should point out that how Shredder turns back into a human is only implied in the end, not actually shown. The turtles rush into see what all the noise is about. As they're running into the ship Baxter shoots at Mike (finally something about the guy) and turns him into a gerbil.

Mike is none too impressed by the whole situation, mostly concerned about not being able to strike fear into the hearts of villians looking as he does. So what needs to be done is obvious, they need to turn Mike back into a turtle. Too bad Baxter threw the Mutazoo ray down some sort of tube.

The rest of the episode is one saxophone short of a wacky chase through the ship. Along the way the Turtles wear space suits and run into robotic French chefs that want to make turtle stew for 'suppaire' before finally finding the Mutazoo ray. Baxter could care less what the Turtles are up to right about now, since he's at the controls of the space ship. Realizing that Baxter is powering up the ship for launch everyone evacuates.

Now, remember what I said earlier about remembering the thing I said? Well, unbeknownst to Baxter, Don still has the final piece to the trans-d drive and as such the ship starts to fall apart. Where? It's anyone's guess, but it sure looks like a bad place for a fly.

And so Baxter is dead. The end.


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E-Mail: andrew@ninjacultr.com

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