I'm a slant! If you were trying to get at a menu item, I think you missed.
Polling is closed! Temporarily.

Link with this!
You have many luck!

Seriously. These are no good.

by Nathan - May 19, 2002

These days, it's become increasingly obvious to even the least internet-savvy folks that the internet is full of theft. More and more people are online daily, plagiarising articles, 'borrowing' quotes, stealing images, and sharing the 'warez' that all the kids are into. In fact, anything that ends in a Z is definitely stolen. How can you and I, the average internet user, avoid having all our grand ideas and website content stolen by these heartless intenet thieves?

Simple! Come up with really horrible ideas! As a test, I propose the following products/inventions. If all goes well, they should be so bad that no sane person should even want to steal them. Such as:

[1] Clarify the titles on the James Bond movies!

I've found that renting a movie with everyone's favorite super-spy is a chore. None of them have any kind scheme to make the names similar, and some video store employees that aren't paying attention to detail (read: all of them) may seperate the videos on the shelves. Thusly, I propose that the parent company re-release the entire series, but this time, preface all the titles with "James Bond"! Some examples include;

  • James Bond vs. Doctor No
  • James Bond's View to a Kill
  • James Bond Lives and Lets Die
  • James Bond Meets Goldfinger

It'd be sure to go over well. I mean, look at how much everyone loved this renaming job!

[2] Make Special Edition novels!

The buzz and furor over everyone's favorite format, DVD, is only increasing. Filmmakers have found that they can tailor their movies to their liking, include deleted scenes, and even provide insightful running commentaries, all on one disc. Why, then, should writers be denied this flexibility?

Consider, then, the Special Edition Novel: It could include deleted chapters, alternate endings, stylishly designed tables of contents, and of course - a running commentary by the authors themselves! Check it out!

"When the wolf appeared, Ayla heard sounds of agitation and alarm from the ledge in front of the cave
(that part of the sentence took a while to write. I wanted to get across that the people on the ledge were alarmed, but I also wanted to show that they were shifting about anxiously. I couldn't just write "shifting about anxiously" though, so it was a struggle)

- if it could be called a cave. She'd never seen one quite like it. (I was really concerned that readers might find this part unintentionally funny, but when we ran this by the test audiences they were totally into it.)"
-exerpted from "The Shelters of Stone" by Jean M. Auel

The author's witty and insightful comments can only make today's books even stronger and more attractive to non-readers who are thinking of switching to this format!

[3] LPlayer, the Portable Record Player!

Let's face it: retro crap is in again, and we all have records we want to hear while we're on the road (my personal choice is the James Last Super Party Pac! Continuous Dancing!!). Enter the LPlayer - with only 16 AA batteries you can experience up to 1 hour of nonstop excitement! Amazing No-Skip(tm) Skip Protection provides No Skip Protection! Relive the classics in a fantastic "old" "school" style. Experience every crack, hiss, and pop of the original album! Digitally remastered CDs are for sissies!

Well, that about does it! I'm positively brimming with terrible ideas but I'm just gonna wait on these a bit. Keep an eye on your local video store and just see if you don't find yourself looking at a copy of "James Bond Rather Likes A Girl That Was Sent From Russia With Love".


IRC: #magicstorytime on EFNet
Or hit http://communism.doesntexist.com

Archive: 1

NinjaCulture Fan Testimonials

NinjaCulture 2002-03 (E-mail) : Disclaimer : All media is property of their respective copyright holders
No portion of NinjaCulture may be re-printed without prior consent