I'm a slant! If you were trying to get at a menu item, I think you missed.
Polling is closed! Temporarily.

Link with this!
You have many luck!

I come up with them so you don't have to.

by Nathan - January 28, 2003

Wow, it's been awhile since the last round of Really Terrible Ideas. With the new P2P networks that all the kids are into these days, Internet Thievery has reached an all time high. It should only be a matter of time before the popularity of stealing reaches such a point that MP3s and videos are no longer traded on these illicit networks - no, the time shall come when ideas themselves are sent back and forth like so many VBScript viruses.

Of course, the driving point of the Really Terrible Ideas articles is prevention of just such a future. How best to prevent your precious ideas from being pilfered right out from under you? Simple - release only your ideas that are so bad, they're completly unusable! Observe!

[7] The LP-ROM!

The average disc drive has evolved quite a bit over the years. We've come a long way from the early days of painfully slow CD-ROM drives (did anyone else ever have a tray-loader?) to today, where people are quickly and effortlessly burning their own DVDs to play in their flying cars on the way to their secret bases on Mars. Well, maybe we haven't gotten that far, but don't think it isn't coming.

But with every advancement, of course, comes a hardcore group of Nostalgiaphiles who complain about not being able to experience the way things were in the 'good old days'. Enter the LP-ROM - combining the technology you use every day with the technological marvels of the past. Using the power of Science, your favorite new games, music, and movies are now available on several LPs! Who needs a CD-ROM that can spin a disc at 9,000 rotations per minute when you can hurtle along at an awesome, old-school 45? Plus, given the right technical know-how and a little patience, you too can learn to be a "Data DJ"! Serve up funky-fresh mixes of your favorite programs for your 'hip' friends! Word!

[8] Communism - The Game!

Do you think that the current state of the real-time strategy genre is lacking something? Are you done playing games that favor unfair, 'strength-in-sheer-numbers' gameplay? Those days are soon to be over, because there's one game on the horizon that will overshadow all the Warcrafts and Command & Conquers of today - Communism, The Game!

Yes, it's a game by the people and for the people - no capitalist swine here! The only units you get during levels are the ones allotted to you by the Mother Country. If it should occur that your troops are defeated in battle, don't worry - just get ready to stand in the longest lineup of your life to get more! (And pick up a loaf of bread while you're at it.)

You may as well forget about building structures and harvesting resources, as well - your unmotivated and poor workers won't have any reason to follow the orders you give them, because you've got no way to pay them as a reward! Yes, this game will truly revolutionize the way we think about real-time strategy.

[9] Single-Port Switches!

Are you tired of the little icon in Windows that says "a network connection has been unplugged"? Or maybe you just long for that great feeling of connectedness you get from plugging into a switch. Well, your days of worry and angst will soon be over, thanks to the One-Port Switch!

The single port may not allow for networking with any of your friends, but it sure will get rid of that icon, and hey - doesn't it just make the most satisfying click when you plug a cable into it? Truly, this invention will save lives.


And so we bring the third round-up of terrible ideas to a conclusion. I know, normally I say that I come up with these terrible ideas so that nobody will steal them - but looking back, I think it'd be pretty amusing to see a Communist real-time strategy game hit the markets. Anyone up for making one? Let me know if you do...

-e-mail: monster-0@alucentral.ca

Nothing would make me happier than if you would visit Magic Story Time. Well, except maybe if I had a monkey.

related articles:

Really Terrible Ideas, Part 2

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