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His only crime was being delicious.

by Andrew - June 7, 2003

It's not really my thing to get too political here on NinjaCulture, but when it's called for, I'll stand up to the challenge.

If you've ever clicked through our affiliates you'll have realized that they've been down quite a bit. I can't explain exactly as to why, probably just those insane Japanese midgets again. Oh but wait, I must apologize to any insane Japanese midgets as they might serve a lawsuit straight up my ass. That's sounds painful, and I trust Mike to know that it is.

Here's what I'm getting at; the website www.mikethesite.com has been censored by a party that I won't name here. I'm already posting this article which well probably land me in deep shit, and if I mention any names there will be no escaping those insane Japanese midgets this time.

Really, can you take this guy seriously? He's got a fuckin' "yo" toque.

Mikethesite all started because the owner, Mike, had a dream, like many of us do, to run a successful website. However, that dream has now been shot in the face by a group of people that feel very strongly, that they feel they need to feel very strongly opposed to the site in question.

Yesterday, Mike was called down to an office where four individuals asked him to sit down as they drilled him with questions and statements about his website that, for some reason, they thought they had to intervene and get all worked up about. As elite professionals as they were, obviously with some sort of intelligence to get such jobs, they misunderstood the very focus of Mike's site. That it wasn't about spreading hate but rather to entertain a very small, very select group of people, of which I am included. Mike might have said things that could have offended some people, also some people might consider Mike to be a closed minded individual, but I've seen much, much worse. I and hope that most people that visit his site and ours don't really take any of this at face value. Earlier when I said that insane Japanese midgets would be shoving legal documents into my rectum, I didn't literally mean that tiny, 'unsound of mind' Asians would be knocking on my door with an enema. If you didn't get that, I think you've got some serious reconsidering of your choice in websites. You probably shouldn't be here in the first place, it's chocked full of crazy, half-assed metaphors intended for those with a sense of humor. I understand though, I too type "Moonwalker Arcade Game Download" into Google when I'm looking for elitist dictator-esque bullshit. I'm not here today to take sides on the issues that Mike presented on his website. It's true that, if taken literally, I would not agree with a lot of things on his site. But I don't take it literally, I know it's a joke.

What did these four individuals say? From what Mike told me they basically went off about how many people could file lawsuits against him and why he in general was a bad person. Hell, I could even file a lawsuit against him, apparently. They even went so far as to say that if www.mikethesite.com was an accurate portrayal of Mike, that they would be scared of him. I laughed pretty hard at that one, because it was an obvious lie. The four that verbally gang-banged Mike for 40 minutes also threatened him with expulsion from school and said that they were getting their lawyers and his ISP's lawyers on the case to review the site for anything that could land him on the wrong end of a lawsuit. Furthermore I find it interesting that they did not serve anything in writing to Mike. Could it be because they have no case and just wanted to compensate for other personal shortcomings?

If these four, and there's probably more involved (and I do realize one of the four was there only because of necessity), think that Mike has an offensive site, they've never been to The Stile Project. If they're taking on Mike's site, why don't they take on Stile? or Seanbaby? or Jason Rivera? or Fat Chicks in Party Hats? or Ernie's? or Tokyo Breakfast (right click -> save)? There's so much precedence on those sites alone to clear Mike of any wrong doing. I think it might have to do with Mike actually being under their control somehow, at least for the next couple of weeks. That being said, if they hadn't acted now, they would have missed their opportunity to do something about www.mikethesite.com. I also enjoyed the fact that they blindsided Mike with all these threats at once; threats, and the speeches that carried the threats, that had obviously been planned a few days before hand, if not longer. Of course, when I say 'enjoyed the fact' I totally mean that I thought that it was really fucking moronic. They employed the use of Nazi-Gestapo type scare tactics. They never gave the guy a chance to speak.

Obviously, this act alone implies that they do not believe in the concept of free speech. Then you throw that on top of everything else I've said and it all starts to make just a little bit more sense. They don't believe in one of our most important laws. People have a right to say what's on their minds, to express their opinions and to share their thoughts. One of the disputed sections of Mike's site is his list of "People [who he] hate[s] with guns". The most literal sense of that phrase would seem to imply that Mike and some guns dislike the certain people that happen to be on that list, establishing Mike and the guns as seperate entities. Of course, twist it a bit and it's a killer's laundry list. If it was, and it isn't, he would be doing himself a great disservice by posting it on his website for all to see, all alledged ten-fucking-million visitors to see. Now, I've been doing this webmaster thing for a while and I would piss myself silly if we got that many hits. Piss. Silly. Turns out that Mike doesn't get 10,000,000 hits (presumably per day), and I was sad. I mean, think of the referrals!

Also, a slight threat was implied towards us at NinjaCulture. Mike informed Nathan, C-C00L and myself that we should considered ourselves warned. Warned about what exactly? I have no idea. The only thing I can think of is in reference to the two hate mails we've ever gotten. Both regarding topics that we thought were perfectly safe. Nathan's Nelly article and my Free Willy OST Review, the two most rediculous things to take offense to. Apparently, I've insulted some rabid Free Willy OST fan. It was truly scary.

It is true that people spill coffee on their groins to become millionaires. It's not how I'd go about it but apparently it works. These are the same group of people that need warning labels on soft disc guns that impotently shoot their projectile nearly to the end of the barrel. Frivolous lawsuits are for the dumb wannabes of society, a group of people that, if not for the warning labels, would be dead in three months of battery acid consumption. I don't need someone telling me not to stick my hand in a blender and then proceed to turn it on. It's just fucking common sense. On the same level, I don't need anyone telling me that www.mikethesite.com shouldn't be taken literally. That, to me, is also fucking common sense. If I ever become so senile that I can't distiguish between fact and satirical content, I'll gladly die at the wrong end of a disc gun.

You can currently see the 're-tooled' MiketheSite. NinjaCulture along with the other affiliates also have other things planned. Before you start filling my inbox with hate mail, think about what you're doing and realize that the reason you're upset is because of the big fucking rod up your ass.

The biggest clue that Mike gave the world that his site should not be taken seriously is that he makes fun of himself. That should have been an automatic hint, plus all of the impossible shit he had up on his site. Since 1969? Mike wasn't even an itch in his daddy's crotch then.

SerialCities and Archos.ca have posted articles about this whole debacle as well. The Forums are always open.

AIM: Terrahawk X
E-Mail: andrew@ninjacultr.com (I have a feeling this'll be clicked)


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